Saturday, January 28, 2006

Dreams are lies?

Three years ago, I stopped celebrating Chinese New Year...I have too many bad memories...3 years ago, Chinese New Year marked the beginning of the second round of chemo therapy for my late mother. We were told the cancer cells had spread to her lung a month before that(for someone who led a heathy lifestyle all her life, it was a shock)it was around X'mas...Because she felt tired after her chemo, we didn't do anything special..and that was my last Chinese New Year celebration with my parents and sister. A few months later, a week after mother's day, which was also the same day as my sister's birthday, she left us..Mom probably didn't want us to see her leave, she picked the time when we took a lunch break..5 minutes after we left ICU to the cafeteria, we heard an announcement on the speaker urging us to go back to the ICU, but it was too late...My sister and I made a promise that we would hold her hands until her last breathe...we didn't celebrate mother's day and my sister spent her 30th birthday in ICU, looking after mom... It was Victoria long weekend...first time of my life shopping for a casket and funeral home.. I told my mom before she was sedated that we would go to the carribean that summer to celebrate when she was finished her chemo therapy...it was her dream...instead, the money I saved up for the trip ended up paying for her funeral....how ironic...The day after mom's funeral, my partner at the time told me he had been unfaithful during the month I was at the hospital... It was the year of Goat.

Last year, my sister went back to visit Hong Kong before CNY. So, CNY's eve, I had Chinese take out in my mother's bedroom. I bought some flowers early in the afternoon and decorated her bedroom with the bouquet...Later that evening, I "had dinner" with her..

I had dinner with my sister last night.. she said our aunt would like us to go over to her place for dinner tonight.. I declined..Why? This is ths same aunt who made us sit at the same table as her contractor and neighbours at his son's wedding last summer. The table was located right in front of the washroom.. nice personality. Oh, btw, she is my mom's youngest sister, who decided to go on a vacation the day of my mom's funeral...very homophobic and religious.. believes all gays are evil..all her life, she envies my mother, partly because of me. To date, no one in our/her family could make it in another country except me. See, all my mom's siblings live overseas. Some immigrated to Australia many years ago, some here. They all have kids around my age, but none of them is able to find a decent job in the countries they emmigrated to. All these years, there has been this silent competition going on, which I don't even realize until recently. Because I studied in the States, my evil aunt put in all her energy to make sure his son(the one just got married last summer) also go to college in New York even though he is not that interested. I am just glad that I can now choose not to interact with them if I don't want to..

Anyway, happy chinese new year


8 Comments:

At 7:45 p.m., Anonymous Yadoge said...

Hugs from Italy

 
At 9:31 a.m., Anonymous Yadoge said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. I'll teach you italian, :)

 
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At 9:32 p.m., Blogger James said...

Sorry to hear that. I can totally empathise with you but I think you learnt a real lesson there and you are constantly educating others to keep showing appreciation to our loved ones. Thanks!

On another note, I love this song and regretted not buying the CD when I was last in Japan. It is really funny because it didn't chart on Oricon in 1980 but she sang it for Kohaku. Great choice! I was wondering if you can direct me access to it?

 
At 9:43 p.m., Blogger Jack said...

I think the appearance on Kohaku was a "consolation" prize for her as a year before that she turned down the opportunity to be the leading actress on Shogun in order to appear in Red & White. The shooting of the TV drama series was in conflict with the Red & White show. I will upload the song for you to download, come back and check again!

 
At 9:50 p.m., Blogger Jack said...

here is the link:
http://rapidshare.de/files/13756719/09_________.mp3.html

 
At 3:28 p.m., Blogger James said...

Thanks for that, Jack. I'm downloading it now. You do know a lot about Japanese stars in the 70s. What juicy tidbits!

 
At 8:22 p.m., Blogger Jack said...

oh one other tidbit, she turned down shogun because she wouldn't do the nude scenes..

 

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