Saturday, January 28, 2006

Dreams are lies?

Three years ago, I stopped celebrating Chinese New Year...I have too many bad memories...3 years ago, Chinese New Year marked the beginning of the second round of chemo therapy for my late mother. We were told the cancer cells had spread to her lung a month before that(for someone who led a heathy lifestyle all her life, it was a shock)it was around X'mas...Because she felt tired after her chemo, we didn't do anything special..and that was my last Chinese New Year celebration with my parents and sister. A few months later, a week after mother's day, which was also the same day as my sister's birthday, she left us..Mom probably didn't want us to see her leave, she picked the time when we took a lunch break..5 minutes after we left ICU to the cafeteria, we heard an announcement on the speaker urging us to go back to the ICU, but it was too late...My sister and I made a promise that we would hold her hands until her last breathe...we didn't celebrate mother's day and my sister spent her 30th birthday in ICU, looking after mom... It was Victoria long weekend...first time of my life shopping for a casket and funeral home.. I told my mom before she was sedated that we would go to the carribean that summer to celebrate when she was finished her chemo was her dream...instead, the money I saved up for the trip ended up paying for her ironic...The day after mom's funeral, my partner at the time told me he had been unfaithful during the month I was at the hospital... It was the year of Goat.

Last year, my sister went back to visit Hong Kong before CNY. So, CNY's eve, I had Chinese take out in my mother's bedroom. I bought some flowers early in the afternoon and decorated her bedroom with the bouquet...Later that evening, I "had dinner" with her..

I had dinner with my sister last night.. she said our aunt would like us to go over to her place for dinner tonight.. I declined..Why? This is ths same aunt who made us sit at the same table as her contractor and neighbours at his son's wedding last summer. The table was located right in front of the washroom.. nice personality. Oh, btw, she is my mom's youngest sister, who decided to go on a vacation the day of my mom's funeral...very homophobic and religious.. believes all gays are evil..all her life, she envies my mother, partly because of me. To date, no one in our/her family could make it in another country except me. See, all my mom's siblings live overseas. Some immigrated to Australia many years ago, some here. They all have kids around my age, but none of them is able to find a decent job in the countries they emmigrated to. All these years, there has been this silent competition going on, which I don't even realize until recently. Because I studied in the States, my evil aunt put in all her energy to make sure his son(the one just got married last summer) also go to college in New York even though he is not that interested. I am just glad that I can now choose not to interact with them if I don't want to..

Anyway, happy chinese new year

Friday, January 27, 2006

惑いの午後(Enchanted afternoon)

"3 yrs, 5 yrs, how much longer do you want me to wait?"

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Love is calling me...

I don't think a lot of people know that there is actually an English version of the popular song, Miserarte, by Judy Ongg..

...Wind is blowing from the Aegean... Love is calling me...

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

ミ・アモーレ(MEU AMOR E...)

English Translation by Tien
Looking for you, my extended fingers
were swept into the dancing mass and
blend with the crowd
The carnival is on the streets of Rio
Snowing silver papers
The black-eyed dancers
Their sweat spatters
Their feather ornaments glitter
The magical streets in the night of this foreign land
The chance to cast a spell in my heart
was at the time we parted

Bewitch, be bewitched, carnival
Dream! Since tonight is a dream
Temptation, be tempted, carnival
From arm to arm it sways
Embrace, be embraced, carnival
Kiss is the fire of my life
Amor e...

I spot you at the other side of the parade
As though awaken from a dream
you station at the corner of the street
The firework glides across the sky
The rhythm of the Samba
You told me not to waste
the thousand and one seconds of excitement

Dance, to be danced with, carnival
You are in the ring of light
Request, being requested, carnival
Hold my hand
Amor e...

Bewitch, be bewitched, carnival
Dream! Since tonight is a dream
Temptation, be tempted, carnival
From arm to arm it sways
Embrace, be embraced, carnival
Kiss is the fire of my life
Amor e...

Amor e...
Amor e...
Amor e...

作詞:康 珍化
作曲・編曲:林 哲司

ふたりはぐれた時 それがチャンスと

迷い 迷わされて カーニバル
夢ね 夢よだから 今夜は
誘い 誘われたら カーニバル
腕から腕の中 ゆられて
抱いて 抱かれるから カーニバル

一千一秒 ときめきを
ムダにしないでって そう告げるの

踊り 踊らされて カーニバル
光の輪の中で あなたを
もとめ もとめられて カーニバル

迷い 迷わされて カーニバル
夢ね 夢よだから 今夜は
誘い 誘われたら カーニバル
腕から腕の中 ゆられて
抱いて 抱かれるから カーニバル


Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Junk Mail

Do you hate getting junk mail in your mail box? I suggest my readers to do this: put "return to sender" on the enevolope and deposit it in the post office mail box.

Do you hate getting never ending fax for advertising? I suggest you fax a piece of black paper back 10 times to the sender..

Now you know who is in control.

Sunday, January 22, 2006


Yellow Roses would be nice for Valentine's this year..

(updated with translation)約束(a date)

Not sure if it is because of a few sips of wine
Making me bold
From the telephone receiver
I can hear the bell keep ringing for you
“I am sorry, waking you up this time of the day,
I just wanted to hear your beautiful voice
We can still be friends, can’t we?”
The line is disconnected
Before waking up the person sleeping next to you

Though I don’t feel liking finding out who’s fault it was
Please forgive me, the one who misled you
If I wanted to go back to the old days
I would only think of the good times
Because I am still in love with him today
There is nothing I can do when I am depressed from time to time
Well, it is only my body, no big deal
This evening, you seem to feel uneasy about
not seeing each other again

Some time, somewhere, we pass each other on the street
Pretending not knowing each other
As soon as it’s over between us
While I am still crying,
My name disappears from your address book

作詞:竹内 まりや
作曲:竹内 まりや

目を覚まさないうちに 切るから

楽しかったことだけ 想い出すの
二度と会わないと 決めたあなたが

いつかどこかで すれ違っても
涙がひと粒 ぽつんと落ちて
アドレス帳の 名前消したの

Saturday, January 21, 2006






白:這是一篇相當奇特的小說。作者的確想把懷俄明那種草原地帶的風格呈現出來;她用的語言比較生澀,常省略主辭或句子,口語化的,達到一種簡潔、乾脆、與嚴謹的寒冷;我想這得力於海明威的啟示:用簡短、粗獷的語言來表達自然的力量。斷背山是一個很重要的象徵,他們兩個一到了那邊就完全恢復自然,變成Natural Man(自然人),拋卻了任何的社會障礙。



白:影片當然可以視作李安的詮釋。如果要深究作者的moral vision(道德想像),她雖不悲天憫人,但也不妄加批判(符:像傑克的情慾顯然較為嫌浮泛)。不過我想身份、階級的取樣,作者可能攙雜一些社會抗議在裡頭,雖然不是大聲疾呼地說出來。




























恋人よ(My dear lover)

(My dear lover)

The evening where withered leaves scatter
is telling the fast approaching cold days of winter
On a bench ruined by the rain
No one is whispering love songs any more

My dear lover, please stay beside me
Staying close to me as I am freezing
My only words for you:
"You are breaking up with me?
You must be kidding, right?"
I just want to laugh it off

A jogger passes through
a street with pebbles
As if trying to induce me to forget
while I stand still there

Good bye my dear lover,
Though the season comes around
Those days when the two of us
watched the evening stars
shine and disappear,
just like a cruel dream

My dear lover, please stay beside me
Stay close to me as I am freezing
My only words for you:
"You are leaving me?
You must be kidding, right?"
I just want to laugh it off


恋人よ そばにいて
そしてひとこと この別ればなしが
冗談だよと 笑ってほしい

止まる私を 誘っている

恋人よ さようなら
あの日の二人 宵の流れ星
光っては消える 無情の夢よ

恋人よ そばにいて
そしてひとこと この別ればなしが
冗談だよと 笑ってほしい

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Naoko's version of 夢先案内人

Watching sunrise, you turn around from time to time, giving me wink and sweet... but unfortunately, it is only a dream...

Making good things better...

Listening to my favourite song by Olivia(Newton John) by myself
Her song is the best way to comfort a lonely heart
Trying to finish off my day by having some Jasmine Tea
The best medicine to help you sleep...

Never thought there would be a chance to meet you
On such a day
Making good things better
"That's ok, damaged already done.."
Probably he was only in love with
a phantom image of myself..

The phone rang before sunrise
But there was no answer..
Was that you?
When love is over
Probably won't happen for a second time
You were only in love with a phantom version of me..

お気に入りの歌 一人聴いてみるの
オリビアは寂しい心 なぐさめてくれるから
ジャスミンティーは 眠り誘う薬
私らしく一日を 終えたいこんな夜

出会った頃は こんな日が
Making Good Things better
いいえ済んだことよ 時を重ねただけ
疲れ果てたあなた 私の まぼろしを愛したの

眠れぬ夜は 星を数えてみる
光りの糸をたどれば 浮かぶあなたの顔
誕生日には カトレアを忘れない
やさしい人だったみたい けれど おしまい
夜更けの電話 あなたでしょう
Making Good Things better
愛は消えたのよ 二度とかけてこないで
疲れ果てたあなた 私の まぼろしを愛したの 

ラララララ ラララララ
Making Good Things better ララ
Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo

出会った頃は こんな日が
Making Good Things better
いいえ済んだことよ 時を重ねただけ
疲れ果てたあなた 私の まぼろしを愛したの

Ah- Ah- Ah Ah Ah- Woo Woo Woo---

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Not looking for pretentious tenderness

Lyrics by : Ryo Asuka
Composed by : Ryo Asuka
Arranged by : Kazuo Shiina

If I would be disliked by you ultimately
I want you to loathe me
Instead of the pretentious tenderness
I want to hear the truth
I'm always dragged
by the very thoughts of you
"I don't wish to lose this love"
That is the only thought I had
I don't understand you
My lips are very hot from biting

It doesn't matter how you put it
please give me an answer
I am already exhausted

I can't move on into tomorrow
You keep entering and leaving (my thoughts)
I want you to acknowledge your sins
If it were a dream, I'll be welcoming dawn
I don't understand you
My heart is choked with presentiment
It doesn't matter how you put it
please give me an answer
I am already exhausted
It doesn't matter how you put it
please give me an answer
I am already exhausted

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

陽炎(Flame) by Akina

No particular reason posting this song tonight..
beautiful voice + simple guitar arrangement = magic

Sometimes, simplicity is is short, keep it simple and sweet..

"Can I call your love for me Happiness?"

Glad I don't live in Utah...

I want...

Brokeback meal with lots of broke back sauce please..

Sunday, January 15, 2006

唇のプライバシー(lips privacy)

This posting is dedicate to someone who claims to be a good kisser..

At FNS Music Festival:

At Kohaku:

Friday, January 13, 2006

Seaside Balcony

Meet me,darling, on a seaside balcony
I wanna see the lavender rays of morning dawn upon the sea
Don't tell anybody...

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Japan's Funniest Music Video

Seiko(40+) + cute white boy(under 20)= mother and son combo
FYI, plastic surgery is big business in Japan..

Eki(Station) by Akina and Hiromi

Re-posting it as I am totally over it...


I recognised the raincoat
in the evening at the station,
my heart was pounding
I quickened my pace and walked on without pausing
It was the person that I used to love
The nostalgia came gashing
including those sad memories
I was lost with words
I wanted to let you know that
I could live happily even without you...

The only things that changed in the 2 years
were his glare and my hairstyle
We respectively returned to the persons that are waiting for us,
without even a second thought
I boarded the train next to the one that he was on
When I looked at the side view of his face
tears filled my eyes uncontrollably
For the first time, I understood
your feeling for me,
to the extent that it hurts
You loved only me

Into the crowd of the rush hour you disappeared
leaving sadness in my heart
When I got out of the station
the rain had stopped in the street
The night had arrived

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Halfmoon Serenade(Thanksgiving Party Concert version)

This is probably Naoko's best rendition of this song, performed as the ending song at her last Thanksgiving Party Concert..I don't think she could sing any better than this.. the background music arrangement is absolutely breathtaking especially with the electric guitar, which I thought would never work in a song like this, but boy was I wrong. Well, the piano..the pianist...I will let you be the judge:

If I can reach out to your heart,
I want to convey my wishes in a song
with muscial notes that are composed of withered leaves
scattered all over the water..

With my left hand, I gently collect a tear drop under the moonlight
I pray deeply that I would be able to have a meaningful relationship with the person I love

Cutting through the cloud of youth
Holding the change of seasons in your arms
'cause anyone will have moments of loneliness
Treasure tenderness by holding each other
My dream is filled with the sound of life in your heart

Even though we are still together, I still feel sad and pain
When a man is in love, you shouldn't be so indecisive
The stream of falling stars is like wave building from the spring of my heart
An imperfect moon is like being lonely and pain in my heart
Please show me your love with your beautiful eyes

Looking for happiness, happiness of being a couple
Holding me in your arms and don't let go, we live
Please don't leave me
Ah... so we will grow old while drifting along the Milky Way of time


あなたのもとへ 届くなら
水面(みなも)に散った 琥珀(きん)の枯れ葉を
月の雫を 左手に
涙でそっと ひとつにつなぐ
※青春の雲が切れる 年頃(きせつ)抱きしめ 
誰もみんな ひとりぼっちだから 
優しさを 愛(いと)おしむのね 
あなたの胸の 生命の響きに 満ちる夢

ふたりでいても 切なくて
あなたの指を ぎゅっとかんだの
恋をしても男の人 迷わないのね
流れて落ちた 星の輪が
胸の泉に 波を立てれば
欠けた月は淋しさに似て 心痛むの
美しい瞳のまま どうぞ愛して
幸福(しあわせ)をさがす 幸福ふたり
離さないで あヽ 時の銀河に流され 

Monday, January 09, 2006

Dancing Shoe by Seiko

"So you wouldn't ask me, so I ask you, do you wanna dance?"
"It's not like me to be so forward.. I am shy boy in a gay men's world"
"It's not like me to be so daring.. I am shy boy in a gay men's world"
(ask him, ask him) "If I don't do it now, I ever will"
"We're going no where standing still"
(ask him, ask him)"ok, I am asking...."

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Finding each other....

This one is for my secret admirer:

Friday, January 06, 2006

ちょっとなら媚薬 by Kashiwabara yoshie(柏原芳恵)

How should I translate this song title... hmm.. how about "A small dose of Viagra" !
You bet your life on this guy, but he called out someone else's name.. so what do you do.. you give him some Viagra... and if you decide to give a bit extra, then it'll turn into a poison pill..Love me do..

Miserarete 2006

Judy Ongg, probably one of the most beautiful women on earth, winner of the 1979 Japan Record Awards, first time ever this award was given to a non-Japanese singer(she is taiwanese by birth). The single was sold over one million copies. She is a multi-talented artist, fluent in Chinese, English, Japanese, and Spanish. She is also a woodblock painter and award winning actress and TV host..

"In the arms of the man who is holding me, I dream of my love, my next to be....Agean sea will bring new love to me"

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Big Forest, cozy home(when Naoko was 16)

Cute, but not so....

Small House in a big forest...

Hmm.. isn't that the sweetest thing on earth..sharing a small house in a big forest with your lover...A new rendition of her debut single 大きな森の小さなお家(Big Forest, cozy home) at her last Thanksgiving concert. A new arrangement with piano only, played by Naoko while she performed this song in way you just can't help but falling in love all over if you were being held in your lover's arms..(I could not believe this song could turn out to be so sweet if you knew how terrible it was when first released in the 80's and I will post the original performance by Naoko later).. Enjoy:

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Manhattan Joke

This one is for my secret admirer living in NYC, who has been daydreaming about me, all talks but no action

Monday, January 02, 2006

秋桜~COSMOS (Cherry Blossom)

Many years ago when I was in a relationship, I was waiting for the right moment to introduce my life partner to my mother and my family. Unfortunately, she passed away before I had the chance and the relationship also ended shortly after her death...
"If you could treasure your memories,you'll never be alone", she said(あれこれと思い出をたどったらいつの日もひとりではなかったと今更乍ら我侭な私に唇かんでいます)

COSMOS (Cherry Blossom)
Lyrics by : Masashi Sada
Composed by : Masashi Sada
Arranged by : Mitsuo Hagita

The pink autumn cherry blossom
is swaying gently in the autumn wind
My mother who became sentimental recently
makes a cough in the garden
Opening an album on the veranda
she talks about my childhood days
repeating the same story again and again
in a soft voice, as if she is talking to herself
On such a serene Indian summer day
your tenderness deeply touches my heart
To me who will be married the next day,
(my mother said) "Face hardship lightheartedly don't worry, laugh it off"
"If you could treasure your memories
you'll never be alone"(my mother said) to me who am still willful
while biting her lips
Lending a helping hand with my luggage
the atmosphere was initially cheerful
but my mother suddenly starts to tear
and repeatedly tells me to take care
I'll try to live to the fullest
so as to thank my mother
On such a serene Indian summer day
please let me be your child
for a little while longer

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