Dreams are lies?

Three years ago, I stopped celebrating Chinese New Year...I have too many bad memories...3 years ago, Chinese New Year marked the beginning of the second round of chemo therapy for my late mother. We were told the cancer cells had spread to her lung a month before that(for someone who led a heathy lifestyle all her life, it was a shock)it was around X'mas...Because she felt tired after her chemo, we didn't do anything special..and that was my last Chinese New Year celebration with my parents and sister. A few months later, a week after mother's day, which was also the same day as my sister's birthday, she left us..Mom probably didn't want us to see her leave, she picked the time when we took a lunch break..5 minutes after we left ICU to the cafeteria, we heard an announcement on the speaker urging us to go back to the ICU, but it was too late...My sister and I made a promise that we would hold her hands until her last breathe...we didn't celebrate mother's day and my sister spent her 30th birthday in ICU, looking after mom... It was Victoria long weekend...first time of my life shopping for a casket and funeral home.. I told my mom before she was sedated that we would go to the carribean that summer to celebrate when she was finished her chemo therapy...it was her dream...instead, the money I saved up for the trip ended up paying for her funeral....how ironic...The day after mom's funeral, my partner at the time told me he had been unfaithful during the month I was at the hospital... It was the year of Goat.

Last year, my sister went back to visit Hong Kong before CNY. So, CNY's eve, I had Chinese take out in my mother's bedroom. I bought some flowers early in the afternoon and decorated her bedroom with the bouquet...Later that evening, I "had dinner" with her..

I had dinner with my sister last night.. she said our aunt would like us to go over to her place for dinner tonight.. I declined..Why? This is ths same aunt who made us sit at the same table as her contractor and neighbours at his son's wedding last summer. The table was located right in front of the washroom.. nice personality. Oh, btw, she is my mom's youngest sister, who decided to go on a vacation the day of my mom's funeral...very homophobic and religious.. believes all gays are evil..all her life, she envies my mother, partly because of me. To date, no one in our/her family could make it in another country except me. See, all my mom's siblings live overseas. Some immigrated to Australia many years ago, some here. They all have kids around my age, but none of them is able to find a decent job in the countries they emmigrated to. All these years, there has been this silent competition going on, which I don't even realize until recently. Because I studied in the States, my evil aunt put in all her energy to make sure his son(the one just got married last summer) also go to college in New York even though he is not that interested. I am just glad that I can now choose not to interact with them if I don't want to..

Anyway, happy chinese new year

惑いの午後(Enchanted afternoon)

"3 yrs, 5 yrs, how much longer do you want me to wait?"

Love is calling me...

I don't think a lot of people know that there is actually an English version of the popular song, Miserarte, by Judy Ongg..

...Wind is blowing from the Aegean... Love is calling me...

ミ・アモーレ(MEU AMOR E...)

English Translation by Tien
MEU AMOR E...(MY LOVE)
Looking for you, my extended fingers
were swept into the dancing mass and
blend with the crowd
The carnival is on the streets of Rio
Snowing silver papers
The black-eyed dancers
Their sweat spatters
Their feather ornaments glitter
The magical streets in the night of this foreign land
The chance to cast a spell in my heart
was at the time we parted

Bewitch, be bewitched, carnival
Dream! Since tonight is a dream
Temptation, be tempted, carnival
From arm to arm it sways
Embrace, be embraced, carnival
Kiss is the fire of my life
Amor e...

I spot you at the other side of the parade
As though awaken from a dream
you station at the corner of the street
The firework glides across the sky
The rhythm of the Samba
You told me not to waste
the thousand and one seconds of excitement

Dance, to be danced with, carnival
You are in the ring of light
Request, being requested, carnival
Hold my hand
Amor e...

Bewitch, be bewitched, carnival
Dream! Since tonight is a dream
Temptation, be tempted, carnival
From arm to arm it sways
Embrace, be embraced, carnival
Kiss is the fire of my life
Amor e...


Amor e...
Amor e...
Amor e...
ミ・アモーレ

作詞：康　珍化
作曲・編曲：林　哲司

あなたをさがしてのばした指先が
踊りの渦にまかれてく
人ごみに押されて
リオの街はカーニバル
銀の紙吹雪
黒いヒトミの踊り子
汗を飛びちらせ
きらめく羽根飾り
魔法にかかった異国の夜の街
心にジュモンを投げるの
ふたりはぐれた時　それがチャンスと

迷い　迷わされて　カーニバル
夢ね　夢よだから　今夜は
誘い　誘われたら　カーニバル
腕から腕の中　ゆられて
抱いて　抱かれるから　カーニバル
キスは命の火よ
アモーレ

パレートの向こうにあなたを見つけたわ
夢からさめていくように
立ちつくす街角
空に割れて飛ぶ花火
サンバのリズムが
一千一秒　ときめきを
ムダにしないでって　そう告げるの

踊り　踊らされて　カーニバル
光の輪の中で　あなたを
もとめ　もとめられて　カーニバル
この手につかまえて
アモーレ

迷い　迷わされて　カーニバル
夢ね　夢よだから　今夜は
誘い　誘われたら　カーニバル
腕から腕の中　ゆられて
抱いて　抱かれるから　カーニバル
キスは命の火よ
アモーレ

アモーレ
アモーレ
アモーレ

Junk Mail

Do you hate getting junk mail in your mail box? I suggest my readers to do this: put "return to sender" on the enevolope and deposit it in the post office mail box.

Do you hate getting never ending fax for advertising? I suggest you fax a piece of black paper back 10 times to the sender..

Now you know who is in control.

Flower

Yellow Roses would be nice for Valentine's this year..

(updated with translation)約束(a date)

Not sure if it is because of a few sips of wine
Making me bold
From the telephone receiver
I can hear the bell keep ringing for you
“I am sorry, waking you up this time of the day,
I just wanted to hear your beautiful voice
We can still be friends, can’t we?”
The line is disconnected
Before waking up the person sleeping next to you

Though I don’t feel liking finding out who’s fault it was
Please forgive me, the one who misled you
If I wanted to go back to the old days
I would only think of the good times
Because I am still in love with him today
There is nothing I can do when I am depressed from time to time
Well, it is only my body, no big deal
This evening, you seem to feel uneasy about
not seeing each other again

Some time, somewhere, we pass each other on the street
Pretending not knowing each other
As soon as it’s over between us
While I am still crying,
My name disappears from your address book


約束
作詞：竹内 まりや
作曲：竹内 まりや

ほんの少し飲んだワイン
何故か私を大胆にさせるわ
耳にあてた受話器からは
あなたを呼び続けてるベルの音
ごめんねこんな時間に起こして
優しいその声聞きたかった
別れても友達でしょう?
あなたの隣で眠る彼女が
目を覚まさないうちに　切るから

よりを戻す気もないのに
あなたを惑わす私を許しτ
過ぎた日々を振り返れば.
楽しかったことだけ　想い出すの
今の彼を愛しているのに
時々悲しくなるのはどうしてかしら
皮肉なものね
二度と会わないと　決めたあなたが
気にかかるのよ
こんな夜更けは

いつかどこかで　すれ違っても
知らないふりして通り過ぎる
約束を交わしたとたん
涙がひと粒　ぽつんと落ちて
アドレス帳の　名前消したの

斷背山──美國式的孤寂，中國式的纏綿

白先勇、符立中／對談


符立中（以下簡稱符）：從電影看小說，李安示範了他的閱讀方式；同樣身為小說家，您如何看待「斷背山」──這樣的小說、甚至這樣的電影？

白先勇（以下簡稱白）：毫無疑問，李安是視覺文化的服膺者。斷背山上的意象像是一首首田園詩，乍看不具情節性，最後卻堆疊出記憶和感情的深度，使得兩位男主角顯現出世俗中的神聖。

符：談到筆觸，我想先從作者安妮．普露談起：當初連載時一看嚇了一跳！對於懷俄明州純男性的牛仔世界，她分明是個外來者，可是那種氛圍逼真的不得了；後來看到全本，雖有幾處落了痕跡，但還是很佩服。那種relentless（強悍無情）的文筆，您覺得在行文上產生什麼樣的效果？

白：這是一篇相當奇特的小說。作者的確想把懷俄明那種草原地帶的風格呈現出來；她用的語言比較生澀，常省略主辭或句子，口語化的，達到一種簡潔、乾脆、與嚴謹的寒冷；我想這得力於海明威的啟示：用簡短、粗獷的語言來表達自然的力量。斷背山是一個很重要的象徵，他們兩個一到了那邊就完全恢復自然，變成Natural Man（自然人），拋卻了任何的社會障礙。

符：我覺得這種文筆上的節制也許有雙重的意涵：一來摹擬那個荒野粗陋的情感表達；二來作者的敘事觀點並不一致，簡單的字彙造成模糊、懸弔的敘事效果。普露在rough-hewn（粗糙）的筆觸中安插不動聲色的細節：比方當最後恩尼司去向傑克的父親討骨灰，她寫那個鴨霸佬用knowing（心照不宣）的神態打量他，這個knowing讓人很不安：他知情嗎？知道的程度又是多少？可是李安把這個地方拍「實」了，幾位演員傳達給我的感覺是不單父親知道，母親甚至恩尼司的女兒都知道！如果他的「隱」痛是那樣地「公開」，那麼他一輩子埋在「衣櫃」裡的感情（李安在結尾神來之筆的新意象）就演變成自以為安全、實際上卻四面楚歌的危機！我想骨子裡李安信奉人本主義美學，他對主角的悲憫，也許正是作者要極力避免的。

重重疊疊的山巒

白：影片當然可以視作李安的詮釋。如果要深究作者的moral vision（道德想像），她雖不悲天憫人，但也不妄加批判（符：像傑克的情慾顯然較為嫌浮泛）。不過我想身份、階級的取樣，作者可能攙雜一些社會抗議在裡頭，雖然不是大聲疾呼地說出來。

符：開頭那個山重重疊疊，變成一個象徵，也許是發諸自然的感情，也許是謎，但也未嘗沒有壓迫的感覺。

白：自然的力量本來就很可怕！山裡的人哪、羊和狼，animalistic（動物本能）的那些東西，完全沒有社會的約束和污染，反樸歸真到最原始的「愛情」。至少一直到現代社會，還是要逃到「失樂園」才有可能萌發那種感情。而且她寫這篇小說，平鋪直敘的，沒有太多沉溺。一般來說這種寫法較難掌控。她沒有用很機巧的技術，這是普露高明的地方。

她的文字呈現淬瀝中的簡潔；兩個牛仔都是不習慣用言辭表達感情的人，所以小說會表現他們這種說不出來、沒頭沒尾、也不必說的應對。但他們迎頭撞上一個非常複雜的傳統，一個清教徒的戒律──小說起始於六十年代，和廿一世記的時空情境已有相當差距，相較於現在較開通的觀念，李安對這種「無形逼迫」的壓力，作了相當的醞釀繁衍：像當他們第一次發生關係的隔天，赫然發現一隻羊被狼開膛剖肚！我們都知道羔羊獻祭是基督教儀式的一環，他們註定成為整個時代的犧牲品。

符：這就是李安式的暗示了！但這個暗示顯然也是象徵：是李安對美國男性沙文式的「牛仔神話」的抗議。普露是很「狠」的：她不給筆下那些人物「生存」的機會；李安卻將那種個人意識從無知發展到永遠疏離的歷程推展到極至，達成對觀眾「終極」的說服。也難怪這部影片上映迄今，在美國本土引發了不少爭議。我想問的是：您研究美國文化這麼多年，「牛仔神話）」真的是美國牢不可破的主流價值嗎？「牛仔神話」和「愛情神話」是好萊塢黃金時代的兩大法寶，現在天雷勾動地火地結合在一起，卻好像引發公憤似的！

牛仔神話

白：要探討「牛仔神話」就牽涉到美國拓荒時期的精神圖騰，現在已經蛻變成美國社會的男性象徵。像小布希不也常常這樣、戴個牛仔帽嗎？可能，好萊塢有推波助瀾，但也有某種程度的真實。他們那些Paleface（白佬）在墾荒活動中的開拓，帶有清教徒式的自苦自立、還有美國開國精神濟弱扶傾等種種複雜的情愫。這篇小說我想最特殊的一點就是講兩個大男人這段感情：他們在某方面有一點童子軍露營時的感覺，那一種純真。開頭兩個非常innocent（天真），也沒想到那段愛情會影響他們的一生。斷背山等於是他們的樂園一樣，那些花花草草一到了人間社會，那個神話就破滅掉了！最後變成恩尼司永遠無法企及的夢。

符：您覺得這兩個牛仔在當時社會有身份上的代表性嗎？比方他們從小都很孤單，生命都很艱辛，活在社會最底層。

白：我看這部電影最大的感受就是「美國式的寂寞」！美國是全世界最寂寞的國家：美國人不能講感情的，悶在裡頭說不出來的那種美國式的孤獨。恩尼司最後一個人住在貨櫃裡面，他也為了傑克妻離子散，孤獨的要命。你看他一直照顧他的女兒，寧願自己受苦，可是個好人哪。

他一生當中最愛的是他，他最愛的也是他！超越性別超越一切生死纏綿的感情。這也是這部作品珍貴的地方──生死不渝！非常浪漫。小說開頭寫得很好：他老了，夢到已死的傑克，心裡很踏實。李安沒拍這段，最後蹦出個衣櫃來，並由女兒捎來喜訊帶來一絲溫暖，也拍得精采。

符：那您覺得演員詮釋的如何？

白：都好！尤其他們兩個之間有chemistry，塑造出兩個好人。他們根本已經超越了性別的分際；我看到一種相當boyish（大男孩）似的情誼。美國男性從童年、青少年到成年，從事各種menfolk陽剛的活動，男性之間的bording（連結），相當強。而且，我覺得，他們兩個已經不是誰女性化誰男性化的問題，兩個人都有點像天真無邪的男孩，從青少年的愛情一直延續一直延續，他們無法完全成為成人，所以一直想要逃到斷背山，再次恢復兩個人的失樂園。我的感受是這樣的。

美國本來就是一個年輕的國家，整個來講，美國人那種年輕，和其他國家不一樣，這部電影非常American。

孤單與寂寞

符：他們兩個從某個角度來說，心裡一直是孤單的小男孩，面臨雲煙變換，一直想逃離那個社會。像那個傑克，後來還試圖和另一個男人，建立他們的理想國。但是您的小說，印象比較深的幾段，大家似乎較有默契地、跨越年齡等障礙，在寂寞中相濡以沫：像從前您告訴我李青和校工發生關係是他人生的第一次，我一直很難理解這種感情；而且他周遭還不乏環繞者，如小玉和林樣、吳敏和張先生等等。再比方像金大班最後請那隻童子雞跳舞，那時候的背景歌曲：「小親親、冷冰冰」，似乎暗示整個舞廳都是行屍走肉、都是寂寞的人。可是他們最起碼還有燈紅酒綠，還有瀕臨腐爛的那種溫度。

白：我想寂寞是文學慣常處理的題裁，美國人有美國人的寂寞，說不出的寂寞。他們社會習慣不允許說，美國人很少訴苦的，只好喝醉了，在酒吧裡，對陌生人講講。海明威就喜歡處理這種情境；李安可能以這個來擴充，美國式的孤寂，用中國式的纏綿來刻劃，使兩個牛仔的困境成為universal的問題。你看這個恩尼司娶太太很窮婚姻不快樂，那個傑克娶太太有錢也不快樂，說穿了他們老早就是一個unique，在斷背山上生生世世，所以到哪都不適應，都被拽走。他們兩個出身赤貧，一無所有，只擁有彼此的感情。他們的一生，後來連家也沒有了，最有價值就是那個夏天在斷背山上的記憶；所以一直去追、一直回頭去追。以後他們每次在一起的時候，都像小孩子一樣，趕快逃回去，遠離這個社會。

而且電影也好小說也好，其中又牽扯到階級和階層的問題。所以你看美國一方面開放得不得了，華盛頓特區可以有幾十萬人遊行，而另一方面像懷俄明這種「後山」，也會有人被活活打死。

美國的寂寞和暴力是一體的；他們當初在一起牧羊，而羊是很溫馴的動物，就像他們的命運；你想想看用一大群牛又不一樣了，一大群牛有多可怕！

符：所以就「美國」這個差異點上觀察：到底是民族性的問題？還是有其他個人精確的原因？梁朝偉是「春光乍洩」明顯較「貞潔」的一方，可是他一個人還是可以去尋求慰藉，比方和廚師踢足球時偷渡那份肉體的快感、再比如到色情戲院去找樂子等等……可是這裡恩尼司就只能一逕默默承受。

懷俄明的象徵

白：因為她寫那種硬漢，是懷俄明的象徵。表面上好像解構「牛仔」，可是從另一個角度來說，她哀悼他、肯定他很有肩膀等那些東西。

符：我這樣提問並不代表這麼想；只是，她一個女作家，寫牛仔寫懷俄明……具有多重以上的差異，為什麼要寫那種生理上永遠不可能理解的題裁？

白：我想她的確不在physical（生理反應）上多所著墨，這個小說寫的好的地方，就是兩個人生死相許的滄桑。這個女人很會從階級外在這些地方去看世界。也許，她有意選擇這個題裁去挑戰美國最後一道防線。

符：可是很多電影都已經向這個神話挑戰過啦！從「脂粉雙槍俠」鮑伯霍伯強拉傳奇西部女星珍羅素搞笑、「搜索者」中約翰韋恩屠殺紅人後亢龍有悔、「吊人樹」下瑪麗亞雪兒勇救賈里古柏、「亂點鴛鴦譜」克拉克蓋伯淪落成狗食工廠獵人到克林伊斯威特的「殺無赦」，都已經解構過了；「強尼吉它」甚至跑出個女槍手瓊克勞馥，而讓男牛仔來彈琴說愛。再比方那些扮演牛仔的大明星，雖然星運一路長紅，變成美國男子漢的象徵，可是約翰韋恩、賈里古柏私生活都濫得不得了，藍道夫史考特根本是同性戀！當然我的意思不是同志就不能當男子漢，只是由此可見牛仔神話對電影界來說，只剩下一個道貌岸然的招牌，裡面早就空啦！可是美國不是一個很實際的國家嗎？為什麼要死抱著這個「貞潔牌坊」不放？

白：每個國家都有自己的圖騰，你看西部開拓史，波瀾壯闊，胼手胝足當中的那股豪情，確實很了不得。你提到電影中的顛覆，我想還有「午夜牛郎」，那個強沃特在都會叢林穿著一身牛仔裝闖天下，卻變成妓男！他和達斯汀霍夫曼，兩個階級最下層，相濡以沫。如果換成中產階級，或兩個大牧場的少老闆，就完全不對了。就是因為他們窮，一無所有，所以彼此是他們唯一的東西。

符：「比較兩個不同社會的問題，「斷背山」那個抽象的「樂園」好像是因為只有他們兩個在才叫樂園；比方「孽子」中的新公園，風起雲湧才人輩出，簇擁成「萬神殿」般，熱絡得很。如果說斷背山上是伊甸園，兩個亞當，之間插不下別人似的；「孽子」裡面就有很多個亞當。

白：這個部份很難用三言兩語卻下定論──如果是在紐約或舊金山又不一樣了……而我們有乾爹乾媽乾兒子，中國人的家庭關係是可以輕易延伸的。所以這裡頭有兩個部份：第一個當然是同志所引發的種種的問題，第二個就是美國人的孤寂。西部牛仔再怎麼有義氣，老的提攜小的、簡直父子一樣，這怎麼算呢？還是朋友！還是得自己打天下！歸結到「斷背山」，那個恩尼司就說孤寂就像是一頭獸，你必須去馴服；不能馴服，就得學習共存。他「存活」下去，從心裡答應傑克，從此生活在斷背山裡。他把斷背山的照片和兩個人相命相依的襯衫全都藏在「衣櫃」裡，永遠永遠地活下去。

符：我想李安確實很了不起，看過電影以後，應該都會深受感動。希望電影和小說，能夠使每個人不單更珍視自己的「斷背山」，也從此不隨便對別人的「斷背山」擅加藩籬！

恋人よ(My dear lover)

KOIBITO YO
(My dear lover)

The evening where withered leaves scatter
is telling the fast approaching cold days of winter
On a bench ruined by the rain
No one is whispering love songs any more

My dear lover, please stay beside me
Staying close to me as I am freezing
My only words for you:
"You are breaking up with me?
You must be kidding, right?"
I just want to laugh it off

A jogger passes through
a street with pebbles
As if trying to induce me to forget
while I stand still there


Good bye my dear lover,
Though the season comes around
Those days when the two of us
watched the evening stars
shine and disappear,
just like a cruel dream

My dear lover, please stay beside me
Stay close to me as I am freezing
My only words for you:
"You are leaving me?
You must be kidding, right?"
I just want to laugh it off


枯葉散る夕暮れは
来る日の寒さをものがたり
雨に壊れたベンチには
愛をささやく歌もない

恋人よ そばにいて
こごえる私のそばにいてよ
そしてひとこと この別ればなしが
冗談だよと 笑ってほしい

砂利路を駆け足で
マラソン人が行き過ぎる
まるで忘却のぞむように
止まる私を 誘っている

恋人よ さようなら
季節はめぐってくるけど
あの日の二人 宵の流れ星
光っては消える 無情の夢よ

恋人よ そばにいて
こごえる私のそばにいてよ
そしてひとこと この別ればなしが
冗談だよと 笑ってほしい

Naoko's version of 夢先案内人

Watching sunrise, you turn around from time to time, giving me wink and kisses...ah...so sweet... but unfortunately, it is only a dream...

Making good things better...

Listening to my favourite song by Olivia(Newton John) by myself
Her song is the best way to comfort a lonely heart
Trying to finish off my day by having some Jasmine Tea
The best medicine to help you sleep...

Never thought there would be a chance to meet you
On such a day
Making good things better
"That's ok, damaged already done.."
Probably he was only in love with
a phantom image of myself..

The phone rang before sunrise
But there was no answer..
Was that you?
When love is over
Probably won't happen for a second time
You were only in love with a phantom version of me..

お気に入りの歌　一人聴いてみるの
オリビアは寂しい心　なぐさめてくれるから
ジャスミンティーは　眠り誘う薬
私らしく一日を　終えたいこんな夜

出会った頃は　こんな日が
来るとは思わずにいた
Making Good Things ｂetter
いいえ済んだことよ　時を重ねただけ
疲れ果てたあなた　私の　まぼろしを愛したの

眠れぬ夜は　星を数えてみる
光りの糸をたどれば　浮かぶあなたの顔
誕生日には　カトレアを忘れない
やさしい人だったみたい　けれど　おしまい
夜更けの電話　あなたでしょう
　　
話すことなど何もない
Making Good Things ｂetter
愛は消えたのよ　二度とかけてこないで
疲れ果てたあなた　私の　まぼろしを愛したの　

ラララララ　ラララララ
Making Good Things ｂetter　ララ
Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo Woo

出会った頃は　こんな日が
来るとは思わずにいた
Making Good Things ｂetter
いいえ済んだことよ　時を重ねただけ
疲れ果てたあなた　私の　まぼろしを愛したの

Ah- Ah- Ah Ah Ah- Woo Woo Woo---

Not looking for pretentious tenderness

YOKAN(Premonition)
Lyrics by : Ryo Asuka
Composed by : Ryo Asuka
Arranged by : Kazuo Shiina


If I would be disliked by you ultimately
I want you to loathe me
Instead of the pretentious tenderness
I want to hear the truth
I'm always dragged
by the very thoughts of you
"I don't wish to lose this love"
That is the only thought I had
I don't understand you
My lips are very hot from biting

It doesn't matter how you put it
please give me an answer
I am already exhausted

I can't move on into tomorrow
You keep entering and leaving (my thoughts)
I want you to acknowledge your sins
If it were a dream, I'll be welcoming dawn
I don't understand you
My heart is choked with presentiment
It doesn't matter how you put it
please give me an answer
I am already exhausted
It doesn't matter how you put it
please give me an answer
I am already exhausted

陽炎(Flame) by Akina

No particular reason posting this song tonight..
beautiful voice + simple guitar arrangement = magic

Sometimes, simplicity is beauty...life is short, keep it simple and sweet..

"Can I call your love for me Happiness?"

Glad I don't live in Utah...

I want...

Brokeback meal with lots of broke back sauce please..

唇のプライバシー(lips privacy)

This posting is dedicate to someone who claims to be a good kisser..

At FNS Music Festival:



At Kohaku:

Seaside Balcony

Meet me,darling, on a seaside balcony
I wanna see the lavender rays of morning dawn upon the sea
Don't tell anybody...

Japan's Funniest Music Video

Seiko(40+) + cute white boy(under 20)= mother and son combo
FYI, plastic surgery is big business in Japan..

Eki(Station) by Akina and Hiromi

Re-posting it as I am totally over it...
Akina:


Hiromi:




STATION
I recognised the raincoat
in the evening at the station,
my heart was pounding
I quickened my pace and walked on without pausing
It was the person that I used to love
The nostalgia came gashing
including those sad memories
I was lost with words
I wanted to let you know that
I could live happily even without you...

The only things that changed in the 2 years
were his glare and my hairstyle
We respectively returned to the persons that are waiting for us,
without even a second thought
I boarded the train next to the one that he was on
When I looked at the side view of his face
tears filled my eyes uncontrollably
For the first time, I understood
your feeling for me,
to the extent that it hurts
You loved only me

Into the crowd of the rush hour you disappeared
leaving sadness in my heart
When I got out of the station
the rain had stopped in the street
The night had arrived

Halfmoon Serenade(Thanksgiving Party Concert version)

This is probably Naoko's best rendition of this song, performed as the ending song at her last Thanksgiving Party Concert..I don't think she could sing any better than this.. the background music arrangement is absolutely breathtaking especially with the electric guitar, which I thought would never work in a song like this, but boy was I wrong. Well, the piano..the pianist...I will let you be the judge:



If I can reach out to your heart,
I want to convey my wishes in a song
with muscial notes that are composed of withered leaves
scattered all over the water..

With my left hand, I gently collect a tear drop under the moonlight
I pray deeply that I would be able to have a meaningful relationship with the person I love

Cutting through the cloud of youth
Holding the change of seasons in your arms
'cause anyone will have moments of loneliness
Treasure tenderness by holding each other
My dream is filled with the sound of life in your heart

Even though we are still together, I still feel sad and pain
When a man is in love, you shouldn't be so indecisive
The stream of falling stars is like wave building from the spring of my heart
An imperfect moon is like being lonely and pain in my heart
Please show me your love with your beautiful eyes

Looking for happiness, happiness of being a couple
Holding me in your arms and don't let go, we live
Please don't leave me
Ah... so we will grow old while drifting along the Milky Way of time



ハーフムーン・セレナーデ


あなたのもとへ　届くなら
水面（みなも）に散った　琥珀（きん）の枯れ葉を
風つまびく音符にして　
想い伝える
月の雫を　左手に
涙でそっと　ひとつにつなぐ
好きな人と結ばれたい・・・
深く祈るわ
※青春の雲が切れる　年頃（きせつ）抱きしめ　
誰もみんな　ひとりぼっちだから　
優しさを　愛（いと）おしむのね　
抱きしめて永遠（とお）く　
あなたの胸の　生命の響きに　満ちる夢

ふたりでいても　切なくて
あなたの指を　ぎゅっとかんだの
恋をしても男の人　迷わないのね
流れて落ちた　星の輪が
胸の泉に　波を立てれば
欠けた月は淋しさに似て　心痛むの
美しい瞳のまま　どうぞ愛して
幸福（しあわせ）をさがす　幸福ふたり
抱きしめて生きてゆけたら
離さないで　あヽ　時の銀河に流され　
大人になろうとも
※repeat

Dancing Shoe by Seiko

"So you wouldn't ask me, so I ask you, do you wanna dance?"
"It's not like me to be so forward.. I am shy boy in a gay men's world"
"It's not like me to be so daring.. I am shy boy in a gay men's world"
(ask him, ask him) "If I don't do it now, I ever will"
"We're going no where standing still"
(ask him, ask him)"ok, I am asking...."

Finding each other....

This one is for my secret admirer:

ちょっとなら媚薬 by Kashiwabara yoshie(柏原芳恵)

How should I translate this song title... hmm.. how about "A small dose of Viagra" !
You bet your life on this guy, but he called out someone else's name.. so what do you do.. you give him some Viagra... and if you decide to give a bit extra, then it'll turn into a poison pill..Love me do..

Miserarete 2006

Judy Ongg, probably one of the most beautiful women on earth, winner of the 1979 Japan Record Awards, first time ever this award was given to a non-Japanese singer(she is taiwanese by birth). The single was sold over one million copies. She is a multi-talented artist, fluent in Chinese, English, Japanese, and Spanish. She is also a woodblock painter and award winning actress and TV host..

"In the arms of the man who is holding me, I dream of my love, my next to be....Agean sea will bring new love to me"

Big Forest, cozy home(when Naoko was 16)

Cute, but not so....

Small House in a big forest...

Hmm.. isn't that the sweetest thing on earth..sharing a small house in a big forest with your lover...A new rendition of her debut single 大きな森の小さなお家(Big Forest, cozy home) at her last Thanksgiving concert. A new arrangement with piano only, played by Naoko while she performed this song in way you just can't help but falling in love all over again..as if you were being held in your lover's arms..(I could not believe this song could turn out to be so sweet if you knew how terrible it was when first released in the 80's and I will post the original performance by Naoko later).. Enjoy:

Manhattan Joke

This one is for my secret admirer living in NYC, who has been daydreaming about me, all talks but no action

秋桜~COSMOS (Cherry Blossom)

Many years ago when I was in a relationship, I was waiting for the right moment to introduce my life partner to my mother and my family. Unfortunately, she passed away before I had the chance and the relationship also ended shortly after her death...
"If you could treasure your memories,you'll never be alone", she said(あれこれと思い出をたどったらいつの日もひとりではなかったと今更乍ら我侭な私に唇かんでいます)




COSMOS (Cherry Blossom)
Lyrics by : Masashi Sada
Composed by : Masashi Sada
Arranged by : Mitsuo Hagita

The pink autumn cherry blossom
is swaying gently in the autumn wind
My mother who became sentimental recently
makes a cough in the garden
Opening an album on the veranda
she talks about my childhood days
repeating the same story again and again
in a soft voice, as if she is talking to herself
On such a serene Indian summer day
your tenderness deeply touches my heart
To me who will be married the next day,
(my mother said) "Face hardship lightheartedly don't worry, laugh it off"
"If you could treasure your memories
you'll never be alone"(my mother said) to me who am still willful
while biting her lips
Lending a helping hand with my luggage
the atmosphere was initially cheerful
but my mother suddenly starts to tear
and repeatedly tells me to take care
I'll try to live to the fullest
so as to thank my mother
On such a serene Indian summer day
please let me be your child
for a little while longer


秋桜
淡紅の秋桜が秋の日の
何気ない陽溜りに揺れている
此頃　涙脆くなった母が
庭先でひとつ咳をする

縁側でアルバムを
開いては
私の幼い日の思い出を
何度も同じ話くりかえす
独言みたいに小さな声で
こんな小春日和の
穏やかな日は
あなたの優しさが
浸みて来る
明日嫁ぐ私に
苦労はしても
笑い話に時が変えるよ
心配いらないと笑った

あれこれと思い出をたどったら
いつの日もひとりでは
なかったと
今更乍ら我侭な私に
唇かんでいます
明日への荷造りに手を借りて
しばらくは楽し気にいたけれど
突然涙こぼし元気でと
何度も何度もくりかえす母
ありがとうの言葉をかみしめながら
生きてみます私なりに
こんな小春日和の穏やかな日は
もう少しあなたの子供で
いさせてください